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Can someone edit my short poem?
My first poem and the first stanza has to be filled with similies and metaphors and the second is filled with ACTIVE verbs revealing how I will Protect my dad. btw it's for my 10th grade english class
The Incredible Dad
His hair is silver like chain around my neck,
With dark eyes like the cocoa in my cup.
His arms are two pillars of support,
yet as huggable as a massive teddy bear.
His heart is a truffle filled with Jesus and - tender love for me.
HIs vigilant actions provide his family's need-s,
They resemble the actions soldiers make in
Iraq this very second.
With words as outspoken as a politician
Yet as gentle as a Daddy's Lullaby
He depicts a hero
I cherish my last name
I esteem the privleges given to me
as a result of the hard work put in.
If one curses his name,
I will stand and protect him
Just as he has shielded me throughout the years.
You start out beautifully - your rhythm is great and your images are wonderful. Then you lose your flow. Let's see what we can do to fix it.
OK - I will cut and paste- changes will be in parenthesis ..
His hair is silver like chain around my neck,
With (eyes dark) like the cocoa in my cup.
His arms are two (strong) pillars of support,
yet (take out as)huggable as a massive teddy bear.
His heart is a truffle filled with Jesus
(and tender love for me.)
HIs vigilant actions provide his family's needs,
(Like the soldiers in Iraq right now)
(His) words as outspoken as (politicians)
Yet as gentle as a Daddy's Lullaby
He (will always be my) hero
I cherish my last name
I esteem the privleges given to me
as a result of the hard work put in.
If (someone) one curses (or abuses) his name,
I will stand (at his side) and protect him
(Take out just) As he has shielded me throughout the years.
Ok that should help. In the future, read your poems aloud before you post them - you will be able to hear the loss of flow) Pax - C.
PS - your line about his heart being a truffle is WORLD CLASS!
Scrapbook pages are packaged in two main sizes 8 x 8 inches or 12 x 12 inches. One popular baby scrapbook kit is the Baby Days Pages pack, which features Baby Days, Mom and Dad's Stories, Hands and Feet Keepsakes, Gifts page, First Home, First Haircut and many other storylike pages.
Coordinating pages, borders and albums are all available to create your baby's first scrapbook. Even a novice can create a beautiful and memorable baby scrapbook with these colorful pages and photos.
Capture more than just milestones. Baby scrapbook theme kits come in assorted styles and pages. Scrapbook theme kits may include cat, dog, beach, water, bath time, good night, and baby and me themes. Using baby scrapbook kits help make fun and colorful pages to your baby's album such as park and playground, sunglasses and sand bucket, bath time and good night, kiss and teddy bears, and many more.
Baby scrapbook kits are also gender specific. If you are expecting or are already enjoying your precious baby girl, then look for baby girl scrapbook kits. These sets include pages of assorted pink and pastel theme sheets, letter stickers, coordinating tags and all materials are acid and lignin free. However, if you are expecting or are already enjoying your active little guy, then use a baby boy scrapbook kit, which typically feature assorted blue theme sheets, letter stickers, coordinating tags and are acid and lignin free.
Larger baby scrapbook kits include a baby keepsake calendar scrapbook kit. Every month you will be able to see your little one as you write down all the first moments of his or her experiences. Calendar scrapbook kits can be saved in your baby's scrapbook album and cherished for years to come. In addition, your baby's calendar scrapbook kit is a unique and memorable gift to give your family, especially if they do not live in your area.
Do you have a special theme for baby's room? Baby scrapbook theme kits can be purchased as well. Precious Moments, Suzy's Zoo, Disney, various religious themes, Creative Imaginations, Rubber Ducky kits include theme pages, die cuts, rub-ons, letters, words and other assorted embellishments to make your baby scrapbook complete. Each season of the year is also available: spring, summer, fall, and winter theme kits. Other theme kits include holiday pages: Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas.
About the Author:
Michele Cardello, director of marketing and creative for Life Imprints, a scrapbooking albums and accessories company in Cleveland, Ohio, has worked in the photo packaging industry for 10 years. Cardello helps customers find creative ways to preserve and appreciate a lifetime of memories through scrapbooking. mcardello@albumsinc.com
Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Baby Scrapbooking Kits and Ideas for Every Occasion
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