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What are your feelings on day care?

I have three children, ages 7,6 & 2. I have been a stay-at-home mom ever since my first child was born. I have recently been offered a job teaching kindergarten for a private school. Therefore, my older children would be able to attend there. However, I would have to put my two-year old in daycare. I realize that the majority of people do this, but I am having a hard time deciding. The extra money would help us a lot, although it is not completely necessary. It would help us pay down our debt, upgrade a couple of things in our home, etc.

My question is - what have been your expereinces with daycare? Do you have any suggestions when choosing a daycare center? Do you ever feel guilty leaving your child behind? Do you think it would be worth it in my situation? Please just share any of your thoughts. The good thing is that in a couple of years she will be in my kindergarten class.

Going into daycare is a personal choice. All Mom's feel a little guilty the first few days..that is completely normal. What can make the difference, both for your daughter and yourself, is the daycare you decide to use. There are things you can look for that will help you find the best place possible for your child.

1. Home daycares are not always better than "corporate" daycares or privately run centers. Before you start looking, see what the laws are in your state and area for home daycare providers. You'd be surprised to see how many states have very little in the way of regulations! Also check to see what the state and local laws are for daycare centers run by church groups, private owners or corporate companies. Often times, these rules are far more stringent and the places tend to be inspected and regulated better and more often than home based day care.

2. Once you know the laws, talk to some other parents. Other Moms will be one of your most valuble resources. They will tell you the places they like and the ones they don't. If one or two places pop up as either being good or bad, take note. While this doesn't mean they will or won't work for you, it does mean they are places to pay more attention to if you are interested in them.

3. Once you have a few places, call them. Tell them you would like to set up a visit to see the center and talk with the adminstator. Be sure to keep these appointments. Get any paperwork you would need at the end of the visit, as well as a list of references. A good center should be able to give you the name of one or two parents to contact.

4. After the official visit, you need to do an un-official visit. Drop by the center, ostensibly to ask a question or drop off paperwork. While you may not have full access, you should be able to ask for another look around while you are there. If the school hedges "We don't allow unscheduled tours" or reacts in a way that makes you question them, walk away. A good center is always willing to accomodate parents and should be able to be seen at the drop of the hat.

5. For all your visits, have a checklist of things you want to see. Teacher child ratios, types of activities, types of discipline used. How do the students look? Was the building/room clean and attractive? Were there samples of children's art displayed? What sort of activites do they do? You can use the checklist as a guide of questions to ask during your visit. Always ask about discipline policies, nap time policies, potty training (if that is an issue), costs (including sick days and vacation time) and the centers rules on asking a parent to remove a child, either for behavioral issues or because the child can't adjust/isn't happy there. Even if you think your child will be fine, it is better to know these things ahead of time, to protect you and your child. Also be sure to ask what is the center's policy on illness..when the child should be kept home and what rules they use to send a child home if they become sick in daycare. Many centers now require doctor's notes for students to return from certain illnesses, so again being prepared is helpful.

After all of this, the choice comes down to what you want to do...for yourself and your child. It sounds like this job offers you the opportunity to not only make things financially easier (although be sure your pay isn't eaten up completely by daycare costs) but to get your children into a private school that you like. You don't mention anything, but I know many private schools offer free tuition or reduced fees for staff, so my bet is that you probably would not be able to send them to the school otherwise. For me, this would be the deciding factor.

I have had limited expereiences with putting my kids in daycare. Our son has special needs and because of them, daycare was simply never an option and I have been home ever since. I loved being with my kids, but it has been tough...both finacially and personally. If you feel you are ready to do something new, and your kids are at a point that they can adapt, than I say go for it.