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Transgender children?

twice a week, I watch my sisters little boy. he is obsessed with girl clothes, dolls, the color pink and mermaid. He has been this way the entire time I have known him. He is now 4 years old, and just today while I was watching him... he told me that he wished he was born a girl. Does this mean he is trangender? and how can I gently point this out to his mother without offending her? She seems to think it is something he will grow out of .. I don't see it that way. He told me he wishes he was a girl and that he wished he had a pink fairy room. What do this mean? any ideas?

That's very likely. The best thing for a child is to let them explore and express their gender identity. Let the kid know that it's not wrong to be true to one's self. The opposite can be very destructive to the child's self image and self esteem from a very young age.

That was just general advice for any child that shows gender-variant interests such as this one. Your sister's kid set off a red flag for me though and that was that he expressed the desire to be a girl. At that point it's time to talk to the child or if you're unsure about talking to the kid about it take the child to a counselor.

It could be that he really identifies as a very feminine boy, but is getting picked on for his interests and just wishes that he was so that he wouldn't get picked on. In this situation the kid needs to be reassured that it's ok for him to like those things and build up his self image and self esteem to combat a world that is hostile (to the point of violent murders) against gender-variant people. It could also be that your sister's child identifies as a girl completely. In that case it could likely lead to the child transitioning to living as the female they identify as, with all that entails down the road.

One thing it seems that always needs to be pointed out unfortunately is that this is not a sign of sexual orientation. This is about gender identity. They are completely seperate issues. The child could identify as a heterosexual male, gay male, heterosexual female, gay female, etc.

As for what to tell your sister, talk to her kid about what's going on a little. Do some research and gather some information that you can give to your sister. Then, set her down and have a serious talk about it. Make sure to keep the focus on the child. How the child has been their entire life up to this point. What was said about wanting to be a girl. If you aren't breaking a secret between the child and yourself, include what came out of later talks. Talk about what to do now. Don't focus the discussion on any one path for the kid, such as waiting to see if the phase passes or letting the child transition. Keep it broad. The point of this talk is to recognize the situation and figure out the next step, which will very likely be at least some counseling by a therapist that has dealt with gender-variant youth.

This serves multiple purposes. First, the therapist can act as a guide. They've been down these roads before with other youth and can help get to the bottom of your sister's child's feelings and help figure out which path is right for the child. Second, *if* transitioning turns out to be the right path for the child the therapist can help in the form of documentation. This can be anything from forms to take to the school to inform the administration that her kid is transitioning to help with the legal name change, etc. Third, the therapist can be another place of support for the child if gender-variant behavior persists. Other people can be very, very cruel to gender-variant children and any little bit helps. Unfortunately *over half* of all transgender people attempt suicide at least once before they reach adulthood.

Macgor has some sound advice too. It looks like you got at least two transpeople to answer your question! it's been a while since I've seen one of the boys on here :p

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When Oprah invited rock star Pink several months ago, to talk about her new single “stupid girl” I listened closely. I wanted to know more about that song and why it had called Oprah’s attention so much. I actually received an education about what’s on young girls’ minds these days and it wasn’t pretty.

The song and video talk against the frightening message that’s being sent to young girls: in order to be and “it” girl you must be obsessed with your weight (probably have an eating disorder), your hair, make-up, designer clothes and shoes and act stupid to get men’s attention. To tap it all off, a woman must sell herself as a piece of meat in order to be popular. Now, the “it” girls that are helping to get this message out, are not air-brained at all, they’re actually making a pretty penny selling the “stupid” image.

In her song, Pink asks the question: “what happened to the dream of a girl president?” But personally I have a slightly different dream for young girls, not to make light of such a noble aspiration. Yet I believe sometimes life gives us hints of where our destiny lies through the things we already love to do. Or the things we daydream about, even the crazy ideas that cross our minds whenever we’re faced with a difficult situation. These creativity beams, to me, are God’s whispers and lay the foundation for the bigger plan.

As women, we have the special ability to operate from both hemispheres of the brain very effectively. The right side of the brain is believed to control the emotional, spiritual and creative functions. With our left hemisphere we know how to be analytical and we are especially gifted with linguistic skills. So why havenÂ’t we heard and seen much more women in the creative and entrepreneurial fields? ItÂ’s true that weÂ’ve seen quite a number in recent years but IÂ’m still not satisfied.

There are a few things I believe we could do in order to help increase this number, and IÂ’d like to mention three:

1. We need to teach our girls to think more like originators rather than just consumers. We can take advantage of trips to the mall to instill in her the desire to create different and better commodities. She doesnÂ’t have to stop liking girly things such as: pretty dresses and shoes, but instead of only thinking of buying, why not think of improving and innovating on them or even creating originals. Also, take advantage of every difficult situation to encourage her to become part of the solution. She should see herself as a solution provider rather than a princess that needs to be taken care of. I believe that in our quest to love, provide and protect, we must be careful not to cripple our girls for life.

2. Help her to think of her original ideas as potentially commercial. Instead of just indulging in wishful thinking or idle daydreaming, teach her how to break down her idea as much as possible.


a- First, she needs to describe the main idea thoroughly. She should be able to explain as best she can the idea she has in mind.

b- Second, there must be a justification for this idea to actually become a real product. The question “what problem would this product solve?” must be definitely answered.

c- Third, let her brainstorm different possible ways to carry out her idea. What kind of technology exists today that could help make it a reality? For instance: “what enables a toy-car to run? Or a doll to talk? Could I use these mechanisms in my original idea?”

d- Finally, who would be more interested in the end-product and how would it be marketed or introduced to them? She can also think of great names for her original product, as well as different byproducts that would derive form it.

3. Her entertainment and reading material should be inspiring. Whether she’s watching TV or reading a book, it should almost always have an inspiring message about men and women who have accomplished great things. Get her early into the habit of reading good books. I personally love Oh the places you’ll go by Dr. Seuss. Its timeless and inspiring message gives her a slight picture of what the big picture is, once she’s ready to walk into life. Another book I would strongly recommend is The Brainstormer. Think, Imagine, Create by Julie Duncan Archibold. In this book you’ll find over 120 ideas sketched out in the four steps, previously mentioned, that take a mere idea to a potentially commercial product. You’ll also find other tips on how to turn original ideas that seem outrageous, into successful commodities. This book is targeted especially towards young women. Just like Dr. Seuss’ book, it’s a great graduation or birthday gift. I mean, seriously, how many more dolls or shoes or jeans does your little girl really need? Most likely as many as the world needs another “stupid” girl.

We can help break the vicious cycle and start contributing towards building a better reality; one in which girls no longer believe their worth is on their butt, breasts, hair or clothes, but rather inside their brain.

Lenice Hoyte is a freelance writer. She wrote the articles "Healthy, Wealthy and Happy in 2005" and "The new face of the American Dream" which were widely published last year. She also contributed to the e-book "The Millionaire Challenge. 7 steps to go from broke to rich before Christmas."

For more info on The Brainstormer. Think, Imagine, Create go to: http://www.lulu.com/jdabrainstormer

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